you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
