your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
