you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
