After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
