some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
