i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
