if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
