Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
