i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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