2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
