Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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