my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
