i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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