Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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