we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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