When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
