i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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