I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
