I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
