connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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