yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize