Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
