there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
