Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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