Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
