Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
