the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
