just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
