I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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