Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
