Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
