dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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