he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
