Where is the hickey?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
