Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
