Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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