my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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