I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
