You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
