I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
