Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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