my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
