Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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