oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
