He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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