one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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