OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
