I'm going to jail i love you
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
