But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize