guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
