he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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