i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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