cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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