I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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