i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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