Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
