im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
