you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize