he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
