In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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