oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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