Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize