two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
