Kiss
Puke
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
