worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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