that's an acceptable place to lick
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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