dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
